How it all began
I began my motherhood journey in 2016 when I navigated my first pregnancy via a known-donor (aka my unbelievably generous best friend). This experience had me face into the (at times) oppressively heteronormative maternal health care system which didn’t really cater for families like my own which fell outside of the “norm” quite proudly. I chose to birth my first daughter at home with the care of an independent midwife who lovingly provided shelter from the outside world. What she offered was respite from judgement, inappropriate questions and a warmth and familiarity which gave me the confidence to bring my baby earthside in the comfort of my own bedroom.
Early parenthood came naturally to me and although the days were long and nights even longer, breastfeeding was effortless and I recovered from my birth with the support of my midwife postpartum, I had family support and fell into a community in my local area. My partner at the time and I traversed the changes parenthood brings to your romantic relationship, struggling to balance motherhood and relationship and eventually separated shortly after my daughters second birthday.
A new version of myself
Catapulted into a new version of myself, I was forced to face into parts of myself I’d be avoiding for too long, this period was one of huge growth and self-development and culminated with finding new love and eventually the welcoming of my second daughter Marigold (Goldie) into the world during the global coronavirus pandemic.
I was fully invested in the preparation for her pregnancy and birth, calling in the same incredible midwife to hold space and I was prepared mentally and emotionally for the marathon that is birth. Although the pregnancy felt isolated at times due to the continuous lockdowns and physical distance this created between my family who were living only 30km away across the city, I managed to somehow survive a second hyperemesis pregnancy and welcomed my golden light into the world on the dawn of the Age of Aquarius and the Great conjunction in December 2020 in the most glorious undisturbed homebirth with no one else present but my partner & midwife. I was in awe of my ability, not only to create two incredible, perfect human people, but in my capacity to bring them safely earthside into the arms of their loving parents in a time in history where women and birthing people have been fed the narrative that our bodies not only need help to birth but also pose an inherent risk to our babies so outsourcing this process is all but the norm.
The wisdom of hindsight
My postpartum experience with Goldie was completely different to how I’d imagined, the ongoing pandemic stress and imminent threat of more lockdowns coupled with the enormity of holding space for my eldest navigating the new family addition, and learning my new baby meant I just felt completely out of my depth. My partner helped the best she could, my mother and mother-in-law supported my family in so many ways I felt I couldn’t. I was sleep deprived, nutritionally, and emotionally depleted, and just continued falling deeper and deeper into intense anxiety. “What will people make of the mess in our house?”, “Why have we got so much stuff?”, “How is there SO much washing”, “More dishes?”.
I realise now with the wisdom of hindsight that my postpartum preparation did not even close to mirror my birth preparation and believe this is the case for so, so many birthing people. So much weight is placed on the birthing experience that we think that a freezer full of food is post-partum planning. Boy would I do it differently if I had my time again!
